I am Spirogyra, and this is a screen cap of my latest humiliation. When I last posted, it was in response to a tabloid running a compromising photo of me. Now, as I try to remember the days before my conjugation tubes were a matter of public record, I’m left to wonder how my sex tape was entered in an imaging competition. But not only that, it didn’t even win first prize. FML.

![My company takes emergency preparedness seriously, which has naturally resulted in some discussion around the office of how many unarmed humans it would take to overpower a single polar bear. This is evidently an old pastime, as Time mentions boxer Gene Tunney’s assertion that Gargantua would be no match for a heavyweight boxer in fighting shape:
“It is my firm conviction that any fairly good heavyweight boxer could put the great Gargantua [460-lb. Congo-born gorilla now on tour with the Ringling circus] to sleep or to rout within two minutes. .. .Gargantua is a big boy but a Dempsey left hook landing on his stomach might figuratively tear the poor animal in two… . He didn’t spend years doing bending and mat exercises. A man has 24 ribs. Your encyclopedia will tell you that a gorilla has but 13. Between the ribs, below the breastbone, there are nerve centres. If they are shocked the shock travels to the spine, temporarily causing paralysis. The ribs, and well developed muscles between the ribs, protect these nerve centres. Twenty-four ribs are much more protection than 13.”
The article notes that gorillas have 13 pairs of ribs.
Image source.](http://14.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kt6bkxuLiX1qz6ihqo1_400.jpg)



